whoa finals are finally over and fall semester '08 has come to a closure. despite believing that this semester isn't as exciting as the last one, it is still memorable. a couple of my friends are graduating tomorrow which means that they would be gone in the following years.

Thanksgiving pictures












Some Random Evening at my apartment...
mummy cooked hainanese chicken rice for my friends!


Brought her to a Japanese restaurant for sashimi... I almost puke from eating too much and the taste of raw fishes still lingered in my brain the day after...

Winter Fair at 4th Ave!









the little boy below is so adorable! He actually nodded his head and danced along with the rhythm!!! See how he was so into the music...

HUGE turkey leg!

i would love to dedicate this song to all my lovely friends who are always here for me through ups and downs, especially this one girl who was here for me at an alienated country.

here are some pictures taken over the weekend when we made dinner for my roommate's mom.

by now most Singaporeans and Chinese are aware that mega-star Gong-Li has pledged Singapore citizenship. with the knowledge that she has been living in Singapore ever since she was married to a Singaporean typhoon and that mummy has spotted Gong Li at Gardens Watsons a couple years back, the news didn't come as a big surprise for me. In fact I'm kinda proud of it, wahaha... BUT the Chinese-s kinda pissed me off when I read about them complaining online that her changing her citizenship status is a sign of betrayal to China. Seriously, like whatever! The Chinese's national pride is sometimes getting on my nerve =.='' Can't they have better things to do than complaining 24-7? Seriously, if the country is thinking of switching to democracy, it should think twice.

i had a setback recently, actually it was just yesterday, that actually set me thinking about my ability to succeed. i was truly discouraged in class, it was demoralizing that i almost wanna burst into tears but i managed to curb it until i met my room-mate after class. maybe literary writing just isn't my cup of tea......

on a happier note, i will be seeing mummy in less than 2 weeks..... HURRAY!!!

And jo, let's make it work, shall we?

In psycyhology, I studied that those who lives with a sense of gratitude-or who cultivate their gratitude by each day writing down what they are grateful for-enjoy greater happiness. (McCullough; Watkins) I admit sulking and crying for days because I've been really down and always felt defeated by little things that had happened. I want to be happy and achieve the feel-good do-good phenomenon! Hence here's a list of the persons I'm grateful of:

Dingxuan: Thanks for being here for me and caring so much.
Mom: Thanks for making the early phonecalls and woke me up at 6plus in the mornings.
Tina: Thanks for being such an understanding and helpful roommate
Papa: Thanks for sponsoring me to study abroad and enables me to achieve my America Dream
Erin: Thanks for appearing in my life and prove to me that there are indeed selfless person on Earth
Junelle: Thanks for talking to me on MSN almost everyday even though we are oceans apart.
ST: Thanks for missing me and thinking of me always
Josephine: Thanks taking off time for me over the summer and showing that I'm being missed on your 21st
Chiu: Thanks for still remembering the Vclub I've mentioned to you, I'm touched
Joyce: Thanks for giving me wonderful memories

to some others: F**K YOU

I was amused by something I've read on a forum today. I chanced upon an O' level student asking this supposingly sounded so familiar question, whether dropping A-maths would really matters because she feels that she is more inclined towards arts core courses and mathematics is a struggle for her but is afraid that it would affect her pursuit in University. She then said she was forced to drop that subject should she failed her re-test, regardless if it is against her will. It is not nice to know that after all these years, the education system in Singapore still turns my stomach around. My decision not to go too further into this subject is for my own good for fear that I would be put behind bars for the so-called accusation.

But well I am still gonna say despite my secondary school forbid me from taking A-maths for O' levels because I could not meet the cut-off quota (thanks for almost ruining my future), I'm better off than a lot of students in Singapore who ended up like me, denied taking A-maths. I am now studying in a country whose educational system is so flexible that I'm able to take mathematic classes in college which is equivalent to A-maths in secondary school and C-maths in Junior College. Here in the U.S., nothing is impossible and nothing is never too late...

The sun set relatively early recently probably because dreary winter is approaching and for some reason, winter really makes a person's mood gray. For some reason I realized I'm always all by myself in campus. On my way home from my evening class, there was a band playing at the UA mall and I sat by a bench under a huge pine tree, ate my dinner quietly as I enjoyed the music played by the band and the serenity that surrounded the cool night air. I like solitary and it feels good to be alone and carefree some times, but I hate the loneliness that followed after it.

I miss the good old days when I got so used to SoSo's presence and her companionship. I imagine her sitting beside me on the bench. None of us have to open our mouths yet all we have to do is to just sit side-by-side enjoying the music and the cool breeze and each other's presence. How nice is it to have someone next to you? I miss and I wish, but with the knowledge that a she or a second person like her would never be around again...

my dearest friends have been requesting for pictures but because of I don't have a ready camera I never take pictures. These pictures are from a friend's memory card and I've secretly uploaded them into my laptop. Their dad made steak and pork ribs for us as a treat and they were delicioussssss....



We went to watch a basketball game on Friday evening... It's Phoenix Suns Scrimmage and Ling and I had GREAT fun watching the game!

jojo tee and i touched on the topic of 'friends are like passer-by' again yesterday and i got really nostalgic now thinking about how me and a friend distanced tremendously. i miss how we used to hang out in the past, how we used to see each other everyday. although we are in the same town now, we're completely strangers. it's strange...and sad to say, reality hurts. i guess this is life and nothing is forever...

粱静茹曾经在她的演唱会上说过这么一句话:

"我喜欢大家为了爱情而勇敢为了生活而勇敢. 今天想唱一首歌。我想表达那个关于爱的...就是想跟喜欢的人说阿，然后想唱给他听阿，想...对啊对啊...那我就唱

I LOVE U
一直在这里, baby, 一直在爱你, oh yea~
and I LOVE U, yes I do, 永远都不放弃这爱你的权利.

忘了是怎么开始　也许就是对你　有一种感觉
忽然间发现自己　已深深爱上你　真的很简单
爱的地暗天黑都已无所谓　是是非非无法抉择　喔~~
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随　那个疯狂的人是我　喔~~

I LOVE U 无法不爱你, baby, 说你也爱我
I LOVE U 永远不愿意, baby, 失去你
不可能更快乐　只要能在一起　做什么都可以
虽然　世界变个不停　用最真诚的心　让爱变的简单
如果你还有一些困惑, 请贴著我的心倾听
听我说着, 爱你 (yes I do) 我爱你..."

这首歌到底唱出了多少人的心声啊?
爱真的需要勇气
"let's fall in love."
他却不晓得我每一分钟都等著他这样承诺
他微笑诉说心中想些什么, 我多么希望他能够其中提到我
他还不晓得在他眼中我的脸是多么失落...

okay let's just say I got really excited when I found out that Eller Business College is offering a new minor! So right now, I'm thinking that I should head towards:

Majoring in Psych
Minoring in MARKETING & Spanish

But dammit I need a high GPA in order to be accepted as a Marketing minor. Why did I screw up my damn GPA last semester???? Urghhhhh...

And if I was accepted as a Marketing minor, that means I cannot return to Singapore for the W-H-O-L-E of my summer next year 'cos the marketing minor is an intensive summer course!!!!!!!

It has been so long since I talked to you guys and I guess I probably make some of you worried with my depressing entry posts. I have to admit that for the past weeks I have been blinded by my own wishful thoughts and thus causing a great misery out of it. Did I mention that I have less than 3 years left in the United States and shouldn't I be enjoying life here to the fullest instead of wallowing in my own misery? And so I've sorted out my thoughts and decided I should let go and move on. So in fact I felt a whole lot better since yesterday.

Anyway, I suay suay fall sick today (still feeling miserable now) and as Erin knows I tend to incline towards being a total wreck [gets friggin' emotional after feeling vulnerable] when I fall sick. So I get so homesick and starts thinking about him again. Still, I gotta say I appreciate this friend who has stood by me throughout this sucky period, she is always here for me and I'm really thankful for it. Ju, I <3 style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">you!

How's my school life? Hmmm my school workload is starting to pile up unbelievably. It seems as if fall semester has just begun though. Spanish class is interesting but it is going at a fast pace that I'm getting worried about my ability to catch up. Honestly I am worried about my GPA too 'cos I scored S-H-I-T last semester and if I don't ace this semester, I can totally forget about doing my internship at London, nor securing a place in a main-stream sorority.

By the way I was accepted a bid into this Asian Sorority however I decided against it 'cos I seriously don't feel good hanging out with my pledge sisters. So Erin, I've again given up a chance to be involved in campus. I'm still in a search for a new identity though.... though it takes time...

Yunyun, thanks for your e-mails, it warms my heart. I'll return you one soon alright? =D Let me know how you're doing!

Asshole, I miss talking to you.....

[this post was written on Friday noon but i decided to post anyway]

i'm suffering from a lil' home-sickness today. it unknowingly started to seep in when i dreamed of my brother which brought about heart-ache. and surprisingly when i was awoke, my mp3 player was playing '你最真贵', which further enhance my nostalgia, further reminded of him and of the time he sang that particular song. by right if i wasn't so lonely and always so alone here at my small and compressed apartment scratching my brain and thinking of what to do next, i would be able to get rid of my home-sickness. but no, i feel so alone and anti-social. no friends whom i can talk to except tina but of course she has family commitment and is not always here at the apartment. i'm dying for ling to come back to tucson so at least i can escape to her apartment once in a blue moon...

it was one hellish good news to know that Singapore finally wins either a silver or gold medal in the 2008 Olympic games. i know it sounds boring but yes, i'm damn proud to be a Singaporean, at the same time I'm so proud of the women ping-pong-ers!

1 1/1 more days...

i think i drank too much alcohol last night
my poo smells alcoholic...

i have been missing Redang's beautiful beaches ever since the trip. trust me, it's is the perfect getaway spot should you decide to escape from the bustling cosmopolitan life. i actually made a small promise to myself to visit Redang again with my lovely girlfriends the next time i'm back in SG.

so... this is my first aug'08 blog entry. it's nerve-wracking how fast time shoots by like a shooting star...we all willl be old and frail and wrinkled in no time. so, my motto is to strive for what i desire and live my life like how i want it to be. to peeps who conform, isn't it the time to start thinking what you want and starts planning your future paths?

14 days left......

This season's SYTYCD is slightly disappointing. Gone is Wade Robson's awe-inspiring choreographs [one of the most amazing routine last season performed by Hok & Jamie, The Humming Bird], but still there's Mia Michael's contemporary choreographs to look forward to. Needless to say, there ain't many ebullience dancers this season, meaning to say those who will emerge as the Top 4 dancers are already obvious. My two hot favorites this season have to be Katee and Will! Imagine me over the clouds when everyone finally got to witness their remarkable partnership last week! They were hot, Hot, HOT!!! Whoo... And as usual, they got on board of Mary Murphy's hot tamale train and I doubt they are gonna get down the train any time soon!

Routine of that night performed by Katee and Will, 'Pas De Deux'

inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale

I'm... I'm so EXCITED!!!

I found Maggie Lao shi's songs on imeem and they are all full version, my guess is that those songs were uploaded by her!

Did I mention that I finally met Lao Shi after Gary's Concert last saturday (July 12 '08)??!!

It's been so long already, like 1 year plus since I 'disappeared'!!!

Chanced upon this forum and saw many people asking for my mysterious Lao Shi and her songs. I feel so honored that I actually knows her!!! Wahahaha... By the way if you guys do remember, she's the founder who first named me 'Cali' and now my pet name is widely used by friends...

Miss her so much....

Wheeeeee~~~~~~



PS: if you like her vocal, below is the link to most of her full version songs.
http://www.imeem.com/people/j2KkcTj

難過是因為悶了很久　是因為想了太多　是心裡起了作用

不想太多, 我想一定是我聽錯弄錯搞錯

拜託, 我想是你的腦袋有問題

隨便說說... 其實我早己經猜透看透不想多說

只是我怕眼淚撐不住

不懂你的黑色幽默　想通卻又再考倒我

當作是你開的玩笑　想通卻又再考倒我

說散你想很久了吧　敗給你的黑色幽默

我的認真敗給黑色幽默

为什么每一次练琴的时候我就会想睡觉???????

you know, i am never good with expressing my innermost deepest feelings to anyone
a short and simple three letter words which comes from the bottom of my heart seems so easy to say it out loud yet difficult to put those words into my 'golden' mouth
in the past i've conjured million ways to express my love and gratitude towards you, but sadly i never get the chance to truly tell you those
i love you, i really do.
every now and then when i am jabbed with our sentimental memories, i would still get emotional because it is just lately that reality, like tons of bricks, began crushing down on me that I realized that you are no longer by my side, that I may never get to see you again, or as often as we used to, that what we have shared in the past has become a history and that those times will never ever occur again... There is no second chance. We can never go back into the past...

but i believe that there's a hero that lies in each and everyone of our hearts
if we search within our heart, the emptiness we felt would go away
so please believe in yourself that you'll be able to pull through all the obstacles ahead of you
i may not be there physically, but you should know where to turn to when you need support


MEMORY is a golden chain that binds us together until we meet again

being at home with my family has became harder and harder each day, to an extent that i wanna escape away from home
jo invited me to mingwei's house to watch a soccer match tonight which starts at 3am and honestly i am never interested in watching soccer [rather catch up with beauty sleep], however i may agree in going considering that this is a chance to run away from home
i put in a lot of effort in bringing the family back together again but now i realized it is never gonna be easy
one thing i know for sure,

dad:

thanks for not failing to put your message across through your so-called nicely crafted words. i get it that i'm unwanted. but perhaps you may consider coming straight to the point next time instead of putting it off so 'sweetly'. thank you!

i had an amazingly long talk with my youngest brother about our personal problems and he has since became my personal confident. i feel so good about it. sharing my problems with him allows me to see things in a different perspective as he really analyzed the situation for me. now i am almost 100% certain about the doubts i once had.

nowadays i am so hook up with fish leong's song 'Hui Hu Xi De Tong' because every single word pierce right through my heart.

以前我不懂得 未必明天　就有以后

想念是会呼吸的痛, 它活在我身上所有角落

哼你爱的歌会痛, 看你的信会痛, 连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛, 它流在血液中来回滚动

后悔不贴心会痛, 恨不懂你会痛, 想见不能见最痛

i didn't exactly expect myself to break down when it was time for jingxuan to tear away from us
even though our relationship was strained years ago and we often get into lotsa arguments, fights and accusations, i still love him. He is still my little brother.
needless to say, as an older sister, it pains me to see him being so nervous or even terrified about entering a whole new phase of life.
i swear he was suppressing his tears when we parted and that was too much for me to bear... thats when i cried.
you see, he has been sheltered since young and has never experienced any hardships at all and it worries me
yet, i'm hopeful that NS would change him into a better man.

i am waiting to see the change in him...

so whenever there's this get-together with my relatives, we tend to talk about family matters and obviously the topic will eventually center my own family, which always seems problematic since the day everyone started fretting over jingxuan. it has been like what, 6 years since the day everyone become dismayed and disappointed with him. 6 years of ups and downs, and finally I do see light. Just when I do think that my family is coming together, my aunt suddenly bring up the fact that jingxuan is my dad's favorite child while dingxuan is my mum's favorite child, and where does it leaves me standing? Historically, parental favoritism over sons is visible in traditional Asian families(my family!). Yeah, not that i wasn't aware of it since young. Not that I'm really particular about it since I'm a grown up now, but i shall tell you that the scar would always be there no matter how hard I tried to conceal. [no wonder sometimes i'm numb to the feeling of being invisible or a side-kick because I'm always the invisible one everywhere; among family members or friends. and that also explains why i lack of self-confidence since young] Aunt told me she knows that this problem exists in my family and has always ENCOURAGED me to study hard because that's the only way I will stand out. But I'm never good in my studies, and I never give a damn about it.
Anyway, at that moment, I was so tempted to confess to my aunt about my feelings when I overheard her telling my dad that him playing favoritism is hurting me indirectly (that incident was like 4-5 years ago). As i said, the scar is and will always be there. Moments of awkwardness arise whenever it was just between me and him. I have nothing to say to him and vice versa.

some people are bound to fall into relationship trap; as for me, i know that all these childhood scars affect me deeply, whether I admit it or not.

Have you ever wake up in the middle of the night crying? Or feeling really heavy after a nightmare?

I experienced it several time already and the last time was in U.S; and every time I cried in my sleep or woke up feeling heavy and teary, it will always be the same nightmare I had that cause such an emotional stir, which surrounds my relationship with my parents...

Whose fault was that?

this is the third day since i landed in Singapore and everything pretty much remained the same, except that the feelings are different now. of course before i returned home i never expected everyone to remain the same as before, however sometimes i would feel flustered whenever reality knocks over me. yet after reflecting on myself, i realized that i may be the one who change the most. my friends in the states, who have impacted my life the most, are constantly in my mind. those people and the memories we have created together are the constant topics i had with my singaporean friends and it soon drew on me that they are probably sick of hearing another word of it from me. on the other hand, it is relatively hard for me to assimilate into their social circles too since i have never been part of it and the strange feeling remains.

everything i see or do reminds me of you, soso. i'm still trying to get used to life without you but it's so hard. each memory we shared triggered my deepest emotion and i wanna shunned away from those memories. but i've promised you i would always reminiscence our memories so that it would not get blurry when time fades. chenxi surprises me when she told me she misses me every second. to be honest i would never expected to hear that from her. thank you for including me during your trip at SFO, even if it means bringing me up occasionally and telling each other how much you guys misses me.

Soso:

i never felt this way before, everything i do reminds me of you
when you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you
when you're gone, the face i came to know is missing too
and when you're gone, the words that i need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay
i miss you....

because i miss you so much, i wanna make the HK trip happen...

it has been a little low-down this week with the endless teary farewell continuing until I leave Tucson on Wednesday. So much things has happened this month, especially the last 2 weeks here in Tucson. But I know I've gained this invaluable, priceless friendship at the end of the day.
I love everyone of you! The song 朋友 has became a symbol of our friendship. Now whenever I listen to it, I would be reminded of our beautiful memories...

朋友 一生一起走
那些日子 不再有
一句话 一辈子
一生情 一杯酒
朋友 不曾孤单过
一声朋友 你会懂
还有伤 还有痛
还要走 还有我

MLTR - I'm Gonna be Around

It's been so long since we took the time
to share words from deep inside us
We're in our own world spinning our wheels
but you know how I feel

since the first time I took your hand
my love for you has just been growing
You always seem to understand
You know how I am

Chorus:
I'm gonna love you til the end
I'm gonna be your very true friend
I wanna share your ups and downs
I'm gonna be around

When you're alone cause I'm away
don't be sad don't be afraid
I'm gonna turn my thoughts to you
like I always do

Chorus:
I'm gonna love you til the end
I'm gonna be your very true friend...

Catch you when you fall
Hold you when you’re down
Sharing every moment
I wanna show you all I do
I believe I’ve found a miracle
in you

Chorus:
I'm gonna love you til the end
I'm gonna be your very true friend...

Spring Break 2008 Part II

Day 1 to Los Angeles, CA
6 hours drive to Los Angeles...

we're the hip-hop badass gangsta group!

dinner at the usual Chinese restaurant and afterwards we headed to a KTV outlet.
DAY 2 @ Los Angeles, CA

we had lunch at this Japanese Village Plaza, full of Japanese restaurants and shops

but ironically we had lunch at this korean restaurant instead, Tofu House!
The guys hid behind Erin in an attempt to avoid looking into Cheng Xi's deadly gaze. Ha!

Santa Monica Beach













stunning sunset along the horizon!

Back to the hotel...
we girls prepared and dolled ourselves up for clubbing
at The Highlands in Hollywood



this stranger is doing the 'back it up' at Erin. LOL!



DAY 3 at Los Angeles, CA

Disneyland!


we were playing staring games while waiting in line

this turkey leg is really H-U-G-E!










Pirates of tbe Caribbean


DAY 4 at Los Angeles

had chinese food for lunch before heading back to Tucson!

After thoughts: my trip is great! It comes with so much memories!