so whenever there's this get-together with my relatives, we tend to talk about family matters and obviously the topic will eventually center my own family, which always seems problematic since the day everyone started fretting over jingxuan. it has been like what, 6 years since the day everyone become dismayed and disappointed with him. 6 years of ups and downs, and finally I do see light. Just when I do think that my family is coming together, my aunt suddenly bring up the fact that jingxuan is my dad's favorite child while dingxuan is my mum's favorite child, and where does it leaves me standing? Historically, parental favoritism over sons is visible in traditional Asian families(my family!). Yeah, not that i wasn't aware of it since young. Not that I'm really particular about it since I'm a grown up now, but i shall tell you that the scar would always be there no matter how hard I tried to conceal. [no wonder sometimes i'm numb to the feeling of being invisible or a side-kick because I'm always the invisible one everywhere; among family members or friends. and that also explains why i lack of self-confidence since young] Aunt told me she knows that this problem exists in my family and has always ENCOURAGED me to study hard because that's the only way I will stand out. But I'm never good in my studies, and I never give a damn about it.
Anyway, at that moment, I was so tempted to confess to my aunt about my feelings when I overheard her telling my dad that him playing favoritism is hurting me indirectly (that incident was like 4-5 years ago). As i said, the scar is and will always be there. Moments of awkwardness arise whenever it was just between me and him. I have nothing to say to him and vice versa.

some people are bound to fall into relationship trap; as for me, i know that all these childhood scars affect me deeply, whether I admit it or not.

Have you ever wake up in the middle of the night crying? Or feeling really heavy after a nightmare?

I experienced it several time already and the last time was in U.S; and every time I cried in my sleep or woke up feeling heavy and teary, it will always be the same nightmare I had that cause such an emotional stir, which surrounds my relationship with my parents...

Whose fault was that?