there is melancholy in the air; it follows me whereever i go; gradually, its taking my breath away. carrying my heavy heart and sullen eyes, i witness that my source of light dimmed with each passing day...
i hate the way i screwed everything up. i loathe the fact that the ogre in me is taking control of my heart and mind. i feel helpless. but right now, all i want is to stay out of everything, and away from everyone...
Joyce, I'm really sorry for not being able to go down with u today. I sincerely hope you'll forgive me... Gimme a chance and I'll make up for you.
---------------
I felt a moment of poignancy after reading the story of Joan Chan. Joan is haunted by a demonic disease at the age of 19, which was right after her A' levels examinations. Till today, she is struggling with her life. I cried. I feel for her. I couldn't help but put myself in her shoes and thereby realising what a torment she have to go through at my age. Her fighting spirit is admirable because I believe I would never be as strong as her. Imagine yourself living in uncertainty, knowing that death is just round the corner awaiting you. It gives me the creeps and shudders.
Every good children deserves to live healthily. But life is unfair. The good people are usually the foremost to be sent to God whereas the bad people could survive longer on Earth.
Though chances are slim, I still pray for Joan to conquer her illness.
Her story serves as a motivation to continue with my life. Whenever I'm feeling low, I'll check out her blog and I'll realise that I should be thankful to god for giving me everything.
Life is never perfect, however, I believe that contentment is the key to satisfaction.
Joan's blog - http://onlyskindeep.blogspot.com/
(from year 2003-end of 2004, her entries are simply records of the feelings and daily rants of a normal school girl. but from 2005 onwards, her life took a huge and unexpected turn which is completely heart-breaking. which normal teenager would have expected him or herself to involve in a straining battle with a life-taking disease???)
chants: ogre, orgre, go away! ogre, ogre go away! ogre, ogre go away! i hate you to the core!!! never come back!!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Sunday, April 23, 2006
23/4/06: It brings back so many fond childhood memories upon returning to CBC. Remember the days when me and a few kids lazed around the pool, arcade and play area while our mummies entered the jackpot room. Every now and then when I wana look for mummy at the jackpot room, I had to sneak in or else I will have to be dragged out of the room by the security. (and now I felt a sense of superiority upon entering the jackpot room! why? cos I'm finally over the age of 18! 19 to be exact. yeah! I'm no longer a kiddo who would be chased out of the room.)After what seems like centuries to me, we returned to CBC today. Well my ultimate aim was to hit the pool right away. And my first impression of that place... What the... It is still the same old construction! There are totally no changes and it looks exactly like it was 12 years ago...
Ow ow... A silly accident occurred at the pool.------------------------
Aw... why does she always have to look so cute in every pictures? I'm way too jealous... Wahaha...---------------
17th April 06: Lovely Yun held a small gathering at her house and we celebrated her 19th birthday. (tsk... I have no idea how on earth the pictures turn out to be so tiny! Oh boy...)Thursday, April 20, 2006
Nightmare...
I never knew how it could have a hard-hitting effect on oneself. Never would it occur to me until last night when I was haunted by a nightmare. Horrified, I broke into sweats upon waking up. Flooding with relief when realised that all were just a dream (or nightmare for that matter), I have the briefest flicker of thought that it would be comforting if there was someone by my side to soothe and ease me back to sleep. Not that I long for one, but being an average girl, I have a vulnerable heart despite my so-called tough front...
Found a dream dictionary on a website:
" In general, ghosts symbolizes aspects of yourself that you fear. This may involve a painful memory, guilt, or some repressed thoughts. You may be afraid of death and dying. Alternatively, ghosts are representative of something that is no longer obtainable or within reach. It indicates a feeling of disconnection from life and society. This dream may be a calling for you to move on and abandon your outdated modes of thinking and behavior. Dreaming that you reach out to touch a ghost, but it disappears indicates that you are taking steps to acknowledging some painful or repressed thoughts even though you are not ready to fully confront them. "
disconnection from life and society? hm... it could be true since I feel so lost nowadays. I used to have a dream and also motivation to work towards my goals. But why do I now feel so disconnected from the world outside? If only I received an acceptance letter from NUS FASS as soon as possible, I will find something to look forward to and I would be assured that I would be 10 times as happy as I am now.
---------
I have neglected a novel which have flown with me all the way from Chicago. It was discarded on my table ever since I removed it from my bag. Strangely, It seemed to be calling for me yesterday. I was drawn to the hellish pale face of the woman featured on the book cover, and so I made up my mind to finish reading the remaining pages of the Memoirs of a Geisha.
Well, I have not finished reading the whole book yet. Perhaps not in another few days. But I have came across this paragraph which evoked my deepest emotions.
The paragraph goes like this...
'I was nearly run down by an army truck... ...I noticed that my almanac had warned against travelling... ...I'd been looking only for a sign about the Chairman and hadn't noticed mine...'
The author continued the next few sentences which enkindle a thoughful sadness in me.
'What if I came to the end of my life and realised that I'd spent everyday watching for a man who never come to me? What an unbearable sorrow it would be, to realise I'd never really tasted the things I've eaten, or seen the places I've been, beacause I'd though of nothing but the Chairman even while my life was drifting away from me. '
Again, she contradicts herself by saying 'And yet if I drew my thoughts back from him, what life would I have? I would be like a dancer who had practiced since childhood for a performance she would never give.'
Tell me that this whole paragraph means a lot to you too. Loving someone whom you know would never yield you in return is definitely tiresome.
I believe no one understands the distress and grief behind this better than my grandma. My poor grandmother loved my grandfather with all her heart, giving in to him throughout her life without receiving the same treatment she ought to have for being his wife. Till the day she laid in her deathbed, her whole mind was filled with none other than my grandfather. No mentioning of her children or grandchildren, rather, all she mouthed was how she hated my grandfather for not being a good husband to her. Isn't it true that there is only a thin line existing between love and hatred?
It is so sad that her whole life was dedicated to a man who never returned her his love.
I'll pray for grandma to discover her true love when she reincarnated in her next life.
I'd been in love with this person and undeniably, there were moments of sweetness between us. Yet, knowing that he would never come back to me, still during that period, my entire life was filled with none other than him. Each and everyone of us are bound to experience the bitterness of romance. We always learnt a lesson at the different stages of our lives. Come to think of it, wouldn't the emptiness be overwhelming if one strayed away from romance?
Until the day I meet my soulmate, I choose not to believe in 'together forever' or 'everlasting love'...
I never knew how it could have a hard-hitting effect on oneself. Never would it occur to me until last night when I was haunted by a nightmare. Horrified, I broke into sweats upon waking up. Flooding with relief when realised that all were just a dream (or nightmare for that matter), I have the briefest flicker of thought that it would be comforting if there was someone by my side to soothe and ease me back to sleep. Not that I long for one, but being an average girl, I have a vulnerable heart despite my so-called tough front...
Found a dream dictionary on a website:
" In general, ghosts symbolizes aspects of yourself that you fear. This may involve a painful memory, guilt, or some repressed thoughts. You may be afraid of death and dying. Alternatively, ghosts are representative of something that is no longer obtainable or within reach. It indicates a feeling of disconnection from life and society. This dream may be a calling for you to move on and abandon your outdated modes of thinking and behavior. Dreaming that you reach out to touch a ghost, but it disappears indicates that you are taking steps to acknowledging some painful or repressed thoughts even though you are not ready to fully confront them. "
disconnection from life and society? hm... it could be true since I feel so lost nowadays. I used to have a dream and also motivation to work towards my goals. But why do I now feel so disconnected from the world outside? If only I received an acceptance letter from NUS FASS as soon as possible, I will find something to look forward to and I would be assured that I would be 10 times as happy as I am now.
---------
I have neglected a novel which have flown with me all the way from Chicago. It was discarded on my table ever since I removed it from my bag. Strangely, It seemed to be calling for me yesterday. I was drawn to the hellish pale face of the woman featured on the book cover, and so I made up my mind to finish reading the remaining pages of the Memoirs of a Geisha.
Well, I have not finished reading the whole book yet. Perhaps not in another few days. But I have came across this paragraph which evoked my deepest emotions.
The paragraph goes like this...
'I was nearly run down by an army truck... ...I noticed that my almanac had warned against travelling... ...I'd been looking only for a sign about the Chairman and hadn't noticed mine...'
The author continued the next few sentences which enkindle a thoughful sadness in me.
'What if I came to the end of my life and realised that I'd spent everyday watching for a man who never come to me? What an unbearable sorrow it would be, to realise I'd never really tasted the things I've eaten, or seen the places I've been, beacause I'd though of nothing but the Chairman even while my life was drifting away from me. '
Again, she contradicts herself by saying 'And yet if I drew my thoughts back from him, what life would I have? I would be like a dancer who had practiced since childhood for a performance she would never give.'
Tell me that this whole paragraph means a lot to you too. Loving someone whom you know would never yield you in return is definitely tiresome.
I believe no one understands the distress and grief behind this better than my grandma. My poor grandmother loved my grandfather with all her heart, giving in to him throughout her life without receiving the same treatment she ought to have for being his wife. Till the day she laid in her deathbed, her whole mind was filled with none other than my grandfather. No mentioning of her children or grandchildren, rather, all she mouthed was how she hated my grandfather for not being a good husband to her. Isn't it true that there is only a thin line existing between love and hatred?
It is so sad that her whole life was dedicated to a man who never returned her his love.
I'll pray for grandma to discover her true love when she reincarnated in her next life.
I'd been in love with this person and undeniably, there were moments of sweetness between us. Yet, knowing that he would never come back to me, still during that period, my entire life was filled with none other than him. Each and everyone of us are bound to experience the bitterness of romance. We always learnt a lesson at the different stages of our lives. Come to think of it, wouldn't the emptiness be overwhelming if one strayed away from romance?
Until the day I meet my soulmate, I choose not to believe in 'together forever' or 'everlasting love'...
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Below are two of my artworks which I've done quite some time ago. This first poster consists of the all-time favourite casts starring in a popular drama seriels 'It Started With A Kiss'.
The second poster is well, one of my favourites! I'm very satisfied with the setting and colour theme and also, the overall blending.
I'm new to adobe photoshop so please do gimme your comments on what you think of these posters. Thanks!
Poster on Ariel Lin, Joe Zheng and Jiro from 'It started with a kiss'.
Ming Dao and Qiaoqiao from 'Magician's Love'
The second poster is well, one of my favourites! I'm very satisfied with the setting and colour theme and also, the overall blending.
I'm new to adobe photoshop so please do gimme your comments on what you think of these posters. Thanks!
Poster on Ariel Lin, Joe Zheng and Jiro from 'It started with a kiss'.
Ming Dao and Qiaoqiao from 'Magician's Love'
It's been 3 weeks since I'm back in Singapore.
Well, I could vaguely remember how I managed to be sleepless for exactly 1 whole week due to jet lag. I could almost agree that when one was afflicted with insomia, it caused great distress to both our physical and mental conditions. (hate my DARK eye circles.)
Well, anyway, I've been spending a lot of money recently. It is fine time to exercise some self-control by decreasing the frequency of spending my time outside. It pathetic that Joyce's company is still not intending to hire any more temps. Well, I'm still having my hopes high, hopefully Joyce wouldn't be disappointed if eventually I do not get a position there.
Speaking of which, on the 16th of April, the gang of 4 (including me!) + lil' Jon Jon went back to XMS. I've never thought that I would ever step into XMS again, but since the gang wana make a trip down to the school, and that I've nothing better to do, so I tagged along too.
Lil Jon Jon is our cutie pie! Seriously, without him around, there would be lesser laughters, lesser smiles, lesser noise... I'm not trying to sound chesty here, but lil Jon do enjoy being together with me! Hee just the thought of him makes my heart itch! He occasionally planted kisses on our cheeks and lips. And um... he's there too. Yeah, its great to meet friends whom we haven't been keeping in touch with. Mr. Chee is super friendly too, I almost forgotten how much I've respected him during our upper secondary years. Mr. Chee reminded me of Mr. Tan CP. Hee... Don't ask me why, I've no idea too...
The gang decided to head to K-box. Poor Ql, she's paying 16bucks but she did not sing a single song. But lil Jon did enjoy himself. Don't believe? Witness the picture below then!
Joyce's lil brother, Jon is holding the mike! Aww... He's such a sweetie, isn't he?
My first individual picture with this pretty babe (I'm serious, she's the babe among us!). But we all prefer calling her p-o-o-d-l-e! Can you guess why?
This is a rather dumb wallpaper I've created within 15minutes. It serves as a momento on our regular hangout spot - Gardens' Cafe Cartel!
3 Cheers to our friendship!
Well, I could vaguely remember how I managed to be sleepless for exactly 1 whole week due to jet lag. I could almost agree that when one was afflicted with insomia, it caused great distress to both our physical and mental conditions. (hate my DARK eye circles.)
Well, anyway, I've been spending a lot of money recently. It is fine time to exercise some self-control by decreasing the frequency of spending my time outside. It pathetic that Joyce's company is still not intending to hire any more temps. Well, I'm still having my hopes high, hopefully Joyce wouldn't be disappointed if eventually I do not get a position there.
Speaking of which, on the 16th of April, the gang of 4 (including me!) + lil' Jon Jon went back to XMS. I've never thought that I would ever step into XMS again, but since the gang wana make a trip down to the school, and that I've nothing better to do, so I tagged along too.
Lil Jon Jon is our cutie pie! Seriously, without him around, there would be lesser laughters, lesser smiles, lesser noise... I'm not trying to sound chesty here, but lil Jon do enjoy being together with me! Hee just the thought of him makes my heart itch! He occasionally planted kisses on our cheeks and lips. And um... he's there too. Yeah, its great to meet friends whom we haven't been keeping in touch with. Mr. Chee is super friendly too, I almost forgotten how much I've respected him during our upper secondary years. Mr. Chee reminded me of Mr. Tan CP. Hee... Don't ask me why, I've no idea too...
The gang decided to head to K-box. Poor Ql, she's paying 16bucks but she did not sing a single song. But lil Jon did enjoy himself. Don't believe? Witness the picture below then!
Joyce's lil brother, Jon is holding the mike! Aww... He's such a sweetie, isn't he?
My first individual picture with this pretty babe (I'm serious, she's the babe among us!). But we all prefer calling her p-o-o-d-l-e! Can you guess why? 
This is a rather dumb wallpaper I've created within 15minutes. It serves as a momento on our regular hangout spot - Gardens' Cafe Cartel!3 Cheers to our friendship!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
