my world is spinning before me
i feel like i could drop down dead immediately
there are some things which are better left unsaid
but no, i heard things, too loaded in fact
i recalled that I've learnt a valuable lesson during a literature class in JC

"He went like one that hath been stunned,
And is of sense forlorn :
A sadder and a wiser man,
He rose the morrow morn"
- The Rime of Ancient Mariner

it is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom.
the wiser you get, the sadder you are because you take in the good sides and the bad sides of the world
so right now, I foolishly wish that I am ignorant or at least I will try to pretend to be

So tonight is the night when I have to learn to do without Soso's companionship
She, being away for the next four days would mean that I would be totally alone for the next four days
I've no classes, no friends, no dates
Life is boring as hell
This long weekend could in fact be a perfect excuse for reflection time, a private time for me to ponder on which path I should proceed with, which University should I apply to, and which location would be the best option for me etc
Hopefully I won't indulge in endless cycles of self-wallowing because that's just plain pathetic!

I hope that by the time I returned home next summer, everybody would notice the change in me
I hope that I've transformed into a much stronger person or else I would start questioning God why he put me through these obstacles.