Here is a blog post on my personal opinions on friendship and the friends I've met. No personal attacks or pin-pointing intended.

I used to be a socially awkward kid back in secondary school, and socially insecure too. It is true that I rather hid in the bathroom during recess breaks instead of eating alone in the canteen. It pleases me when a bff from secondary school pointed out that I've changed and never would I in my past would be able to go to movies alone. The change in me definitely attributes to the fact that I'm fending for myself in an alienated country now without anyone I can wholeheartedly trust. Friends to me, were important. They were my emotional support, they were the ones who make me see who I was and brought the greatest joy in my life. They completed my life! Now, the definition for friendship changes. Why? Is it because I'm so used to doing things myself, leading my own life that I don't see a need for any friendship support, that I'm no longer that socially awkward kid who is scared to be alone in a crowd? Or is it because there is no second Soso, or Siewtee in my life that I feel safe and comforting in their presence and the ease to be who I am and not afraid of being judged?

I was called anti-social by a couple of friends here in Tucson because they said I'm no longer the girl who party or is willing to hang out with them and THEIR friends. NO, I mean why would I wanna hang out with people I'm not comfortable with? And if going to bars or parties or chilling with their friends mean I'm sociable, then fine, I'm anti-social! The bottom line is, I don't enjoy hanging with those people so why should I?

I'm lonely here in Tucson. I'm always alone without any real friends. People would then remarked: "You deserve it!" Ok fine whatever!

Still, the knowledge that there are people who truly cares for me in Singapore is comforting. The occasional emails I received from a couple of real friends warm my hearts, even if my reply doesn't go to you immediately. The occasional conversations with some friends on MSN whom I haven't talk to in ages but they clearly shown that they know about my on-goings touches me.

I know who my real friends are. These are the people who truly cares and the friendship will certainly goes a long way while some friends are just meant to have fun with, or was there to kill time. For example, if I wanna visit a new restaurant but I'm ashamed of going there alone, I'll ask you cos I know you're in for the fun. However happy we chatted or hang out often, sorry to say there is always this barrier between you and me.